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How To Present Your PROPOSITION
PART II—HOW TO WRITE THE LETTER—CHAPTER 6
After attention has been secured, you must lead quickly to your description and explanation; visualize your product
and introduce your proof, following this up with arguments. The art of the letter writer is found in his ability to lead
the reader along, paragraph by paragraph, without a break in the 'POINT of CONTACT'_that has been established.
Then the proposition must be presented so clearly that there is no possibility of its being misunderstood, and the
product or the service must be coupled up with the READER’S NEEDS.
How this can be done is described in this chapter.
* * * * *
After you have attracted attention and stimulated the interest of the reader, you have made a good beginning, but
only a beginning; you then have the hard task of holding that interest, explaining your proposition, pointing out the
superiority of the goods or the service that you are trying to sell and making an inducement that will bring in the
orders. Your case is in court, the jury has been drawn, the judge is attentive and the opposing counsel is alert—it is
up to you to prove your case.
Good business letter, consciously or unconsciously usually contains four elements: description, explanation,
argument and persuasion. These factors may pass under different names, but they are present and most
correspondents will include two other elements—inducement and clincher.
In this chapter we will consider description, explanation and argument as the vehicles one may use in carrying his
message to the reader.
An essential part of all sales letters is a clear description of the article or goods—give the prospect a graphic idea
of how the thing you are trying to sell him looks, and this description should follow closely after the interest-getting
introduction. To describe an article graphically one has got to know it thoroughly: the material of which it is made;
the processes of manufacture; how it is sold and shipped—every detail about it.
There are two extremes to which correspondents frequently go. One makes the description too technical, using
language and terms that are only partially understood by the reader. He does not appreciate that the man to whom
he is writing may not understand the technical or colloquial language that is so familiar to everyone in the house.
For instance, if a man wants to install an electric fan in his office, it would be the height of folly to write him a letter
filled with technical descriptions about the quality of the fan, the magnetic density of the iron that is used, the quality
of the insulation, the kilowatts consumed—“talking points” that would be lost on the average business man. The
letter that would sell him would give specific, but not technical information, about how the speed of the fan is easily
regulated, that it needs to be oiled but once a year, and costs so much a month to operate. These are the things in
which the prospective customer is interested.
Then there is the correspondent whose descriptions are too vague; too general—little more than bald assertions. A
letter from a vacuum cleaner manufacturing company trying to interest agents is filled with such statements as:
“This is the best hand power machine ever manufactured,” “It is the greatest seller ever produced,” “It sells instantly
upon demonstration.” No one believes such exaggerations as these. Near the end of the letter—where the writer
should be putting in his clincher, there is a little specific information stating that the device weighs only five pounds,
is made of good material and can be operated by a child. If this paragraph had followed quickly after the
introduction and had gone into further details, the prospect might have been interested, but it is probable that the
majority of those who received the letter never read as far as the bottom of the second page.
If a man is sufficiently interested in a product to write for catalogue and information, or if you have succeeded in
getting his attention in the opening paragraph of a sales letter, he is certain to read a description that is specific
and definite.
The average man thinks of a work bench as a work bench and would be at a loss to describe one, but he has a
different conception after reading these paragraphs from a manufacturer’s letter:
“Just a word so you will understand the superiority of our goods.
“Our benches are built principally of maple, the very best Michigan hard maple, and we carry this timber in our
yards in upwards of a million feet at a time. It is piled up and allowed to air dry for at least two years before being
used; then the stock is kiln dried to make sure that the lumber is absolutely without moisture or sap, and we know
there can be no warping or opening of glue joints in the finished product.
“Our machinery is electrically driven, securing an even drive to the belt, thus getting the best work from all
equipment—absolutely true cuts that give perfect joints to all work.
“Then, as to glue: Some manufacturers contend that any glue that sticks will do. We insist there should be no
question about glue joints; no ‘perhaps’ in our argument. That’s why we use only the best by test; not merely
sticking two pieces of wood together to try the joint quality, but glue that is scientifically tested for tenacity, viscosity,
absorption, and for acid or coloring matter—in short, every test that can be applied.”
* * * * *
This description is neither too technical nor too general; it carries conviction, it is specific enough to appeal to a
master carpenter, and it is clear enough to be understood by the layman who never handled a saw or planer.
It may be laid down as a principle that long description should ordinarily be made in circulars, folders or catalogues
that are enclosed with the letter or sent in a separate envelope, but sometimes it is desirable to emphasize certain
points in the letter. Happy is the man who can eject enough originality into this description to make it easy reading.
The majority of correspondents, in describing the parts of an automobile, would say:
“The celebrated Imperial Wheel Bearings are used, These do not need to be oiled oftener than once in six months.”
* * * * *
A correspondent who knew how to throw light into dark places said:
“Imperial Wheel Bearings: grease twice a year and forget.”
* * * * *
This “and forget” is such a clever stroke that you are carried on through the rest of the letter, and you are not
bored with the figures and detailed description.
In a similar way a sales manager, in writing the advertising matter for a motor cycle, leads up to his description of
the motor and its capacity by the brief statement: “No limit to speed but the law.” This is a friction clutch on the
imagination that carries the reader’s interest to the end.
One writer avoids bringing technical descriptions into his letters, at the same time carrying conviction as to the
quality of his goods:
“This metal has been subjected to severe accelerated corrosion tests held in accordance with rigid specifications
laid down by the American Society for Testing Material, and has proven to corrode much less than either charcoal
iron, wrought iron, or steel sheet.
“A complete record of these tests and results will be found on the enclosed sheet.”
* * * * *
Then there are times when description may be almost entirely eliminated from the letter. For instance, if you are
trying to sell a man a house and lot and he has been out to look at the place and has gone over it thoroughly, there
is little more that you can say in the way of description. Your letter must deal entirely with arguments as to why he
should buy now—persuasion, inducement. Or, if you are trying to sell him the typewriter that he has been trying out
in his office for a month, description is unnecessary—the load your letter must carry is lightened. And there are
letters in which explanation is unnecessary. If you are trying to get a man to order a suit of clothes by mail, you will
not explain the use of clothes but you will bear down heavily on the description of the material that you put into
these particular garments and point out why it is to his advantage to order direct of the manufacturers.
But if you are presenting a new proposition, it is necessary to explain its nature, its workings, its principles and
appliances. If you are trying to sell a fountain pen you will not waste valuable space in explaining to the reader what
a fountain pen is good for and why he should have one, but rather you will give the reasons for buying your
particular pen in preference to others. You will explain the self-filling feature and the new patent which prevents its
leaking or clogging.
It is not always possible to separate description and explanation.
Here is an illustration taken from a letter sent out by a mail-order shoe company:
“I hope your delay in ordering is not the result of any lack of clear information about Wearwells. Let me briefly
mention some of the features of Wearwell shoes that I believe warrant you in favoring us with your order:
(A) Genuine custom style;
(B) Highest grade material and workmanship;
(C) The best fit—thanks to our quarter-sized system—that it is possible to obtain in shoes;
(D) Thorough foot comfort and long wear;
(E) Our perfect mail-order service; and
(F) The guaranteed PROOF OF QUALITY given in the specification tag sent with every pair.”
* * * * *
This is a concise summary of a longer description that had been given in a previous letter and it explains why the
shoes will give satisfaction.
Here is the paragraph by which the manufacturer of a time-recording device, writing about the advantages of his
system puts in explanation plus argument:
“Every employee keeps his own time and cannot question his own record. All mechanism is hidden and locked.
Nothing can be tampered with. The clock cannot be stopped. The record cannot be beaten.
“This device fits into any cost system and gives an accurate record of what time every man puts on every job. It
serves the double purpose of furnishing you a correct time-on-job cost and prevents loafing. It stops costly leaks
and enables you to figure profit to the last penny.”
* * * * *
Explanation may run in one of many channels. It may point out how the careful selection of raw material makes your
product the best, or how the unusual facilities of your factory or the skill of your workmen, or the system of testing
the parts assures the greatest value. You might explain why the particular improvements and the patents on your
machines make it better or give it greater capacity. The description and the explanation must of necessity depend
upon the character of the proposition, but it may be laid down as a general principle that the prospect must be
made to understand thoroughly just what the article is for, how it is made, how it looks, how it is used, and what its
points of superiority are. Whenever possible, the description and explanation in the letter should be reinforced by
samples or illustrations that will give a more graphic idea of the product.
The prospect may be sufficiently familiar with the thing you are selling to relieve you of the necessity of describing
and explaining, although usually these supports are necessary for a selling campaign. But it must be remembered
that description and explanation alone do not make a strong appeal to the will. They may arouse interest and excite
desire but they do not carry conviction as argument does. Some letters are full of explanation and description but
lack argument. The repair man from the factory may give a good explanation of how a machine works, but the
chances are he would fall down in trying to sell the machine, unless he understood how to reinforce his explanations
with a salesman’s ability to use argument and persuasion.
And so you must look well to your arguments, and the arguments that actually pull the most orders consist of
proofs—cold, hard logic and facts that cannot be questioned. As you hope for the verdict of the jury you must prove
your case. It is amazing how many correspondents fail to appreciate the necessity for arguments. Pages will be filled
with assertions, superlative adjectives, boastful claims of superiority, but not one sentence that offers proof of any
statement, not one logical reason why the reader should be interested.
“We know you will make a mint of money if you put in our goods.” “This is the largest and most complete line in the
country.” “Our factory has doubled its capacity during the last three years.” “Our terms are the most liberal that
have ever been offered.” “You are missing the opportunity of your lifetime if you do not accept this proposition.”
“We hope to receive your order by return mail, for you will never have such a wonderful opportunity again.” Such
sentences fill the pages of thousands of letters that are mailed every day.
“Our system of inspection with special micrometer gauges insures all parts being perfect—within one-thousandth of
an inch of absolute accuracy. This means, too, any time you want an extra part of your engine for replacement that
you can get it and that it will fit. If we charged you twice as much for the White engine, we could not give you better
material or workmanship.”
* * * * *
Now this is an argument that is worth while: that the parts of the engine are so accurately ground that repairs can
be made quickly, and new parts will fit without a moment’s trouble. The last sentence of the paragraph is of course
nothing but assertion, but it is stated in a way that carries conviction. Many correspondents would have bluntly
declared that this was the best engine ever manufactured, or something of that kind, and made no impression at all
on the minds of the readers. But the statement that the company could not make a better engine, even if it charged
twice as much, sinks in.
Proof of quality is always one of the strongest arguments that can be used. A man wants to feel sure that he is
given good value for his money, it matters not whether he is buying a lead pencil or an automobile. And next to
argument of quality is the argument of price. Here are some striking paragraphs taken from the letter sent out by a
firm manufacturing gummed labels and advertising stickers:
“We would rather talk quality than price because no other concern prints better stickers than ours—but we can’t
help talking price because no other concern charges as little for them as we do.”
* * * * *
This is a strong statement but it is nothing more than a statement The writer, however, hastens to come forward with
argument and proof:
“You know we make a specialty of gummed labels—do nothing else. We have special machinery designed by
ourselves—machinery that may be used by no other concern. This enables us to produce better stickers at a
minimum expense.
“All of our stickers are printed on the best stock, and double gummed, and, by the way, compare the gumming of
our stickers with those put up by other concerns. We have built up a business and reputation on stickers that stick
and stay.”
* * * * *
If you were in the market for labels you would not hesitate to send an order to that firm, for the writer gives you
satisfying reasons for the quality and the low price of his goods. The argument in favor of its goods is presented
clearly, concisely, convincingly.
The argument that will strike home to the merchant is one that points out his opportunity for gain. Here is the way a
wholesale grocer presented his proposition on a new brand of coffee:
“You put in this brand of coffee and we stand back of you and push sales. Our guarantee of quality goes with every
pound we put out. Ask the opinion of all your customers. If there is the least dissatisfaction, refund them the price
of their coffee and deduct it from our next bill. So confident are we of the satisfaction that this coffee will give that we
agree to take back at the end of six months all the remaining stock you have on hand—that is, if you do not care to
handle the brand longer.
“You have probably never sold guaranteed coffee before. You take no chances. The profit is as large as on other
brands, and your customers will be impressed with the guarantee placed on every pound.”
* * * * *
The guarantee and the offer of the free trial are possibly the two strongest arguments that can be used either with a
dealer or in straight mail-order selling.
Among the arguments that are most effective are testimonials and references to satisfied users. If the writer can
refer to some well-known firm or individual as a satisfied customer he strengthens his point.
“When we showed this fixture to John Wanamaker’s man, it took just about three minutes to close the deal for six of
them. Since then they have ordered seventy-four more.”
* * * * *
Such references as this naturally inspire confidence in a proposition and extracts from letters may be used with
great effect, provided the name and address of the writer is given, so that it will have every appearance of being
genuine.
A solicitor of patents at Washington works into his letters to prospective clients quotations from manufacturers:
“’We wish to be put in communication with the inventor of some useful novelty, instrument or device, who is looking
for a way to market his invention. We want to increase our business along new lines and manufacture under
contract, paying royalties to the patentee.
“’If your clients have any articles of merit that they want to market, kindly communicate with us. Our business is the
manufacture of patented articles under contract and we can undoubtedly serve many of your clients in a profitable
manner.’”
* * * * *
Such extracts as these are intended to impress upon the inventor the desirability of placing his business with
someone who has such a wide acquaintance and is in a position to put him in touch with manufacturers.
To send a list of references may also prove a most convincing argument, especially if the writer can refer to some
man or firm located near the one to whom he is writing. A mutual acquaintance forms a sort of connecting link that is
a pulling force even though the reference is never looked up. In fact, it is only on occasions that references of this
kind are investigated, for the mere naming of banks and prominent business men is sufficient to inspire confidence
that the proposition is “on the square.”
After you have explained your proposition, described your goods and pointed out to the prospect how it is to his
advantage to possess these goods, the time has come to make him an offer.
One of the pathetic sins of business letter writers is to work in the price too early in the letter—before the prospect
is interested in the proposition. The clever salesman always endeavors to work up one’s interest to the highest
possible pitch before price is mentioned at all. Many solicitors consider it so essential to keep the price in the
background until near the end of the canvass that they artfully dodge the question, “What is the cost?”, until they
think the prospect is sufficiently interested not to “shy” when the figure is mentioned.
A letter from a company seeking to interest agents starts out awkwardly with a long paragraph:
“We will be pleased to have you act as our salesman. We need a representative in your city. We know you will make
a success.”
* * * * *
Then follows a second paragraph giving the selling price of a “complete outfit” although there has not been a line in
the letter to warm up the reader, to interest him in the proposition, to point out how he can make money and show
him where he will benefit by handling this particular line.
After this poor beginning the letter goes on with its explanation and argument, but the message is lost—a message
that might have borne fruit had the writer repressed his own selfish motives and pointed out how the reader would
gain. There is then plenty of time to refer to the cost of the outfit.
A letter from a manufacturing concern selling direct to the consumer starts out in this kill-interest fashion:
“Did you get our circular describing the merits of our celebrated Wonderdown Mattresses which cost, full size, $10
each?”
* * * * *
An experienced correspondent would never commit such a blunder for he would not bring in the price until near the
end of the letter; or, more likely, the dollar mark would not appear in the letter at all. It would be shown only in an
enclosure—folder, circular, catalogue or price list. So important is this point that many schemes have been devised
for keeping the cost in the back-ground and this is one of the principal reasons why many concerns are
emphasizing more and more the free trial and selling on instalments.
One manufacturing company makes a talking point out of the fact that the only condition on which it will sell a
machine is to put it in a plant for a sixty-day trial; then if it is found satisfactory the purchaser has his option of
different methods of payments: a discount for all cash or monthly instalments.
There are many propositions successfully handled by gradually working up interest to the point where price can be
brought in, then leading quickly to the inducement and the clincher. In such a letter the price could not be ignored
very well and the effect is lost unless it is brought in at the proper place, directly following the argument.
Like all rules, there are exceptions to this. Sometimes where the reader is familiar with the proposition it may be a
good policy to catch his attention by a special price offer at the very beginning of the letter. This is frequently done
in follow-up letters where it is reasonably certain that the preceding correspondence has practically exhausted
explanation, description and arguments. The problem here is different and a special price may be the strongest
talking point.
Then, of course, there are letters that are intended merely to arouse the interest of the reader and induce him to
write for prices and further information. The purpose here is to stimulate the interest and induce the recipient to
send in particulars regarding his needs and ask for terms. After a man’s interest has been this far stimulated it is
comparatively easy to quote prices without frightening him away.
But in the majority of sales letters an offer must be made, for price, after all, is the one thing that is, to the reader, of
first importance. Most men want to know all about a proposition without the bother of further correspondence and so
a specific offer should usually follow the arguments.
How To Bring The Letter To A CLOSE
PART II—HOW TO WRITE THE LETTER—CHAPTER 7
GETTING ATTENTION, explaining a proposition and presenting arguments and proofs are essentials in every letter,
but they merely lead up to the vital part - GETTING ACTION.
They must be closely followed by PERSUASION, INDUCEMENT and a CLINCHER.
The well written letter works up to a climax and the order should be secured while interest is at its height. Many
correspondents stumble when they come to the close. This chapter shows how to make a get-away - how to hook
the order, or if the order is not secured - how to leave the way open to come back with a follow-up.
* * * * *
Nothing will take the place of arguments and logical reasons in selling an article or a service. But most salesmen will
bear out the statement that few orders would be taken unless persuasion and inducement are brought into play to
get the prospect’s name onto the dotted line. Persuasion alone sells few goods outside of the church fair but it
helps out the arguments and proofs. The collector’s troubles come mainly from sales that are made by persuasion,
for the majority of men who are convinced by sound arguments and logical reasons to purchase a machine or a line
of goods carry out their part of the bargain if they can.
There are a good many correspondents who are clever enough in presenting their proposition, but display a most
limited knowledge of human nature in using persuasions that rubs the prospect the wrong way.
“Why will you let a few dollars stand between you and success? Why waste your time, wearing yourself out working
for others? Why don’t you throw off the conditions which bind you down to a small income? Why don’t you shake off
the shackles? Why don’t you rise to the opportunity that is now presented to you?”
* * * * *
Such a letter is an insult to anyone who receives it, for it really tells him that he is a “mutt” and does not know it.
Compare the preceding paragraph with this forceful appeal:
“Remember, the men now in positions you covet did not tumble into them by accident. At one time they had nothing
more to guide them than an opportunity exactly like this one. Someone pointed out to them the possibilities and they
took the chance and gradually attained their present success. Have you the courage to make the start, grasp an
opportunity, work out your destiny in this same way?”
* * * * *
This is persuasion by pointing out what others have done. It is the persuasion of example; an appeal that is
dignified and inspirational.
And here, as in all other parts of the letter, there is the tendency to make the appeal from the selfish standpoint—
the profits that will accrue to the writer:
“We strongly advise that you get a piece of this land at once. It is bound to increase in value. You can’t lose. Won’t
you cast your lot with us now? It is your last opportunity to get a piece of this valuable land at this extremely low
price. Take our word for it and make your decision now before it is too late.”
* * * * *
A manufacturer of folding machines got away from this attitude and cleverly combined persuasion and inducement
in an offer made to newspaper publishers during the month of October:
“You want to try this folder thoroughly before you buy it and no better test can be given than during the holiday
season when heavy advertising necessitates large editions. Now, if you will put in one of these folders right away
and use it every week, we will extend our usual sixty-day terms to January 15th. This will enable you to test it out
thoroughly and, furthermore, you will not have to make the first payment until you have opportunity to make
collections for the December advertising. This proposition must be accepted before Oct. 31st.”
* * * * *
Such an inducement is timely and doubly effective on this account. The appeal reaches the newspaper man at the
season of the year when he is busiest; just the time when he most needs a folder, and the manufacturer provides
for the first payment at the time of year when the average publisher has the largest bank account.
Occasionally the most effective persuasion is a ginger talk, a regular “Come on, boys,” letter that furnishes the
dynamic force necessary to get some men started:
“There is no better time to start in this business than right now. People always spend money freely just before the
holidays—get in the game and get your share of this loose coin. Remember, we ship the day the order comes in.
Send us your order this afternoon and the goods will be at your door day after tomorrow. You can have several
hundred dollars in the bank by this time next week. Why not? All you need to do is to make the decision now.
“Unless you are blind or pretty well crippled up, you needn’t expect that people will come around and drop good
money into your hat. But they will loosen up if you go out after them with a good proposition such as this—and
provided you get to them before the other fellow. The whole thing is to get started. Get in motion! Get busy! If you
don’t want to take time to write, telegraph at our expense. It doesn’t make much difference how you start, the thing
is to start. Are you with us?”
* * * * *
Now, there really is nothing in these two paragraphs except a little ginger, and a good deal of slang, but this may
prove the most effective stimulant to a man’s energy, the kind of persuasion to get him in motion.
One thing to be constantly guarded against is exaggeration—“laying it on too thick.” Concerns selling goods on the
instalment basis through agents who are paid on commission, find their hardest problem is to collect money where
the proposition was painted in too glowing colors. The representative, thinking only of his commission on the sale,
puts the proposition too strong, makes the inducement so alluring that the goods do not measure up to the
salesman’s claims.
Then the correspondent should be careful not to put the inducement so strong that it will attract out of curiosity
rather than out of actual intent. Many clever advertisements pull a large number of inquiries but few sales are made.
It is a waste of time and money to use an inducement that does not stimulate an actual interest. Many a mailing list
is choked with deadwood—names that represent curiosity seekers and the company loses on both hands, for it
costs money to get those names on the list and it costs more money to get them off the list.
The correspondent should never attempt to persuade a man by assuming an injured attitude. Because a man
answers an advertisement or writes for information, does not put him under the slightest obligation to purchase the
goods and he cannot be shamed into parting with his money by such a paragraph as this:
“Do you think you have treated us fairly in not replying to our letters? We have written to you time and again just as
courteously as we know how; we have asked you to let us know whether or not you are interested; we have tried to
be perfectly fair and square with you; and yet you have not done us the common courtesy of replying. Do you think
this is treating us just right? Don’t you think you ought to write us, and if you are not intending to buy, to let us know
the reason?”
* * * * *
If the recipient reads that far down into his letter, it will only serve to make him mad. No matter what inducement the
company may make him later, it is not probable that it can overcome the prejudice that such an insulting paragraph
will have created.
Some of the correspondence schools understand how to work in persuasion cleverly and effectively. Here is a
paragraph that is dignified and persuasive:
“Remember also that this is the best time of the entire year to get good positions, as wholesalers and
manufacturers all over the country will put on thousands of new men for the coming season. We are receiving
inquiries right along from the best firms in the country who ask us to provide them with competent salesmen. We
have supplied them with so many good men that they always look to us when additional help is required, and just
now the demand is so great that we can gurantee you a position if you start the course this month.”
* * * * *
Persuasion plays a small part in selling general commodities, such as machinery, equipment, supplies, and the
articles of every-day business, but correspondence courses, insurance, banking, building and loan propositions
and various investment schemes can be pushed and developed by an intelligent use of this appeal.
Merged with the persuasion or closely following it should be some inducement to move the reader to “buy now.”
Description, explanation, argument and even persuasion are not enough to get the order. A specific inducement is
necessary. There are many things that we intend to buy sometime, articles in which we have become interested, but
letters about them have been tucked away in a pigeon-hole until we have more time. It is likely that everyone of
those letters would have been answered had they contained specific inducements that convinced us it would be a
mistake to delay.
In some form or another, gain is the essence of all inducements, for gain is the dynamic force to all our business
movements. The most familiar form of inducement is the special price, or special terms that are good if “accepted
within ten days.” The inducement of free trial and free samples are becoming more widely used every day.
The most effective letters are those that work in the inducement so artfully that the reader feels he is missing
something if he does not answer. The skillful correspondent does not tell him bluntly that he will miss the opportunity
of a life time if he does not accept a proposition; he merely suggests it in a way that makes a much more powerful
impression. Here is the way a correspondence school uses inducements in letters to prospective students in its
mechanical drawing course. After telling the prospect about the purchase of a number of drawing outfits it follows
with this paragraph:
“It was necessary to place this large order in order to secure the sets at the lowest possible figure. Knowing that this
number will exceed our weekly sales, we have decided to offer these extra sets to some of the ambitious young men
who have been writing to us. If you will fill out the enclosed scholarship blank and mail at once we will send you one
of these handsome sets FREE, express prepaid. But this offer must be accepted before the last of the month. At the
rate the scholarship blanks are now coming in, it is more than likely that the available sets will be exhausted before
November 1st. It is necessary therefore that you send us your application at once.”
* * * * *
It is not necessary to offer something for nothing in your inducement. In fact, a good reason is usually a better order
getter than a good premium. Make the man want your proposition—that is the secret of the good sales letter. If a
man really wants your product he is going to get it sooner or later, and the selling letters that score the biggest
results are those that create desire; following argument and reason with an inducement that persuades a man to
part with his hard-earned money and buy your goods.
It is a never-ending surprise—the number of correspondents who cleverly attract the interest of a reader, present
their proposition forcibly and convincingly, following with arguments and inducements that persuade him to buy, and
then, just as he is ready to reach for his check book, turn heel and leave him with the assurance that they will be
pleased to give him further information when they could have had his order by laying the contract before him and
saying, “Sign here.”
There are plenty of good starters who are poor finishers. They get attention but don’t get the order. They are
winded at the finish; they stumble at the climax where they should be strongest, and the interest which they worked
so hard to stimulate oozes away. They fail because they do not know how to close.
As you hope for results, do not overlook the summary and the climax.
Do not forget to insert a hook that will land the order.
Time, energy and money are alike wasted in creating desire if you fail to crystallize it in action. Steer your letter
away from the hold-over file as dexterously as you steer it away from the waste basket. It is not enough to make
your prospect want to order, you must make it easy for him to order by enclosing order blanks, return envelopes,
instructions and other “literature” that will strengthen your arguments and whet his desire; and more than that, you
must reach a real climax in your letters—tell the prospect what to do and how to do it.
The climax is not a part distinct from the parts that have gone before. Persuasion and inducement are but elements
of the climax, working the prospect up to the point where you can insert a paragraph telling him to “sign and mail
today.” How foolish to work up the interest and then let the reader down with such a paragraph as this:
“Thanking you for your inquiry and hoping to be favored with your order, and assuring you it will be fully
appreciated and receive our careful attention, we are.”
* * * * *
Such a paragraph pulls few orders. Compare the foregoing with the one that fairly galvanizes the reader into
immediate action:
“Send us a $2.00 bill now. If you are not convinced that this file is the best $2.00 investment ever made, we will
refund your money for the mere asking. Send today, while you have it in mind.”
* * * * *
Here is a paragraph not unlike the close of dozens of letters that you read every week:
“Trusting that we may hear from you in the near future and hoping we will have the pleasure of numbering you
among our customers, we are,”
* * * * *
Such a close invites delay in answering. It is an order killer; it smothers interest, it delays action. But here is a close
that is likely to bring the order if the desire has been created.
“Simply wrap a $1.00 bill in this letter and send to us at our risk.”
* * * * *
A writer who does not understand the psychology of suggestion writes this unfortunate closing paragraph:
“Will you not advise us at an early date whether or not you are interested in our proposition? As you have not
replied to our previous letters, we begin to fear that you do not intend to avail yourself of this wonderful opportunity,
and we would be very glad to have you write us if this is a fact.”
* * * * *
How foolish to help along one’s indifference by the suggestion that he is not interested. Just as long as you spend
postage on a prospect treat him as a probable customer. Assume that he is interested; take it for granted that there
is some reason why he has not replied and present new arguments, new persuasion, new inducements for ordering
now.
A firm handling a line very similar to that of the firm which sent out the letter quoted above, always maintains the
attitude that the prospect is going to order some time and its close fairly bristles with “do it now” hooks:
“Step right over to the telegraph office and send us your order by telegraph at our expense. With this business,
every day’s delay means loss of dollars to you. Stop the leak! Save the dollars! Order today!”
* * * * *
Another unfortunate ending is a groveling servility in which the writer comes on his knees, as it were, begging for
the privilege of presenting his proposition again at some future time. Here are the two last paragraphs of a three-
paragraph letter sent out by an engraving company—an old established, substantial concern that has no reason to
apologize for soliciting business, no reason for meeting other concerns on any basis except that of equality:
“Should you not be in the market at the present time for anything in our line of work, we would esteem it a great
favor to us if you would file this letter and let us hear from you when needing anything in the way of engraving. If
you will let us know when you are ready for something in this line we will deem it a privilege to send a representative
to call on you.
“Trusting we have not made ourselves forward in this matter and hoping that we may hear from you, we are,”
* * * * *
It is a safe prediction that this letter was written by a new sales manager who will soon be looking for another job.
Such an apologetic note, with such a lack of selling talk, such a street beggar attitude could never escape the waste
basket. The salesman who starts out by saying, “You wouldn’t be interested in this book, would you?” takes no
orders. The letter that comes apologizing and excusing itself before it gets our attention, and, if it gets our attention,
then lets down just as we are ready to sign an order, is headed straight for the car wheel plant.
Avoid in the closing paragraph, as far as possible, the participial phrases such as “Thanking you,” “Hoping to be
favored,” “Assuring you of our desire,” and so forth. Say instead, “We thank you,” “It is a pleasure to assure you,”
or “May I not hear from you by return mail?” Such a paragraph is almost inevitably an anti-climax; it affords too
much of a let-down to the proposition.
One of the essentials to the clinching of an order is the enclosures such as order blanks and return envelopes—
subjects that are sufficiently important to call for separate chapters.
The essential thing to remember in working up to the climax is to make it a climax; to keep up the reader’s interest,
to insert a hook that will get the man’s order before his desire has time to cool off. Your proposition is not a fireless
cooker that will keep his interest warm for a long time after the heat of your letter has been removed—and it will be
just that much harder to warm him up the second time. Insert the hook that will get the order NOW, for there will
never be quite such a favorable time again.
“STYLE” In Letter Writing—And How To Acquire It
PART III—STYLE—MAKING THE LETTER READABLE—CHAPTER 8
SPECIFIC STATEMENTS and CONCRETE FACTS are the substance of a business letter. But whether that letter is
read or not, or whether those statements and facts are FORCEFUL and EFFECTIVE, is dependent upon the
manner in which they are presented to the reader—upon the “style.
” What “style” is, and how it may be acquired and put to practical use in business correspondence, is described in
this chapter.
* * * * *
Letter writing is a craft—selecting and arranging words in sentences to convey a thought clearly and concisely.
While letters take the place of spoken language, they lack the animation and the personal magnetism of the
speaker—a handicap that must be overcome by finding words and arranging them in sentences in such a way that
they will attract attention quickly, explain a proposition fully, make a distinct impression upon the reader and move
him to reply. Out of the millions of messages that daily choke the mails, only a small per cent rise above the dead
level of colorless, anemic correspondence.
The great majority of business letters are not forcible; they are not productive. They have no style. The meat is
served without a dressing. The letters bulge with solid facts, stale statements and indigestible arguments—the
relishes are lacking. Either the writers do not realize that effectiveness comes only with an attractive style or they do
not know how a crisp and invigorating style can be cultivated. Style has nothing to do with the subject matter of a
letter. Its only concern is in the language used—in the words and sentences which describe, explain and persuade,
and there is no subject so commonplace, no proposition so prosaic that the letter cannot be made readable and
interesting when a stylist takes up his pen.
In choosing words the average writer looks at them instead of into them, and just as there are messages between
the lines of a letter, just so are there half-revealed, half-suggested thoughts between the letters of words—the
suggestiveness to which Hawthorne referred as “the unaccountable spell that lurks in a syllable.” There is character
and personality in words, and Shakespeare left a message to twentieth-century correspondents when he advised
them to “find the eager words—faint words—tired words—weak words—strong words—sick words—successful
words.” The ten-talent business writer is the man who knows these words, recognizes their possibilities and their
limitations and chooses them with the skill of an artist in mixing the colors for his canvas.
To be clear, to be forceful, to be attractive—these are the essentials of style. To secure these elements, the writer
must make use of carefully selected words and apt figures of speech. Neglect them and a letter is lost in the mass;
its identity is lacking, it fails to grip attention or carry home the idea one wishes to convey.
An insipid style, is responsible for much of the ineffectiveness in business letters. Few men will take the time to
decipher a proposition that is obscured by ambiguous words and involved phrases. Unless it is obviously to a man’s
advantage to read such a letter it is dropped into the waste basket, taking with it the message that might have found
an interested prospect if it had been expressed clearly, logically, forcibly.
The first essential for style is clearness—make your meaning plain. Look to the individual words; use them in the
simplest way— distinctive words to give exactness of meaning and familiar words to give strength. Words are the
private soldiers under the command of the writer and for ease of management he wants small words—a long word is
out of place, unwieldy, awkward. The “high-sounding” words that are dragged in by main force for the sake of effect
weigh down the letter, make it logy. The reader may be impressed by the language but not by the thought. He reads
the words and misses the message.
Avoid long, unfamiliar words. Clothe your thoughts in words that no one can mistake—the kind of language that
men use in the office and on the street. Do not make the reader work to see your point; he is busy, he has other
things to do—it is your proposition and it is to your interest to put in that extra work, those additional minutes that
will make the letter easily understood. It is too much to expect the reader to exert himself to dig out your meaning
and then enthuse himself over your proposition.
The men who write pulling letters weigh carefully every sentence, not only pruning away every unessential word but
using words of Anglo-Saxon origin wherever possible rather than words of Latin derivation. “Indicate your selection”
was written as the catch line for a letter in an important selling campaign, but the head correspondent with unerring
decision re-wrote it—“Take your choice”—a simpler, stronger statement. The meaning goes straight to the reader’s
mind without an effort on his part. “We are unable to discern” started out the new correspondent in answering a
complaint. “We cannot see” was the revision written in by the master correspondent—short, concise, to the point.
“With your kind permission I should like to say in reply to your favor”—such expressions are found in letters every
day—thousands of them. The reader is tired before the subject matter is reached.
The correspondent who is thinking about the one to whom he is writing starts out briefly and to the point by saying,
“This is in reply to your letter,” or, “Thank you for calling our attention to, and so forth.” The reader is impressed
that the writer means business. The attitude is not antagonistic; it commands attention.
Letters are unnaturally burdened with long words and stilted phrases, while in conversation one’s thoughts seek
expression through lines of least resistance—familiar words and short sentences. But in writing, these same
thoughts go stumbling over long words and groping through involved phrases.
Proverbs are sentences that have lived because they express a thought briefly in short, familiar words. Slang
becomes popular because of the wealth of meaning expressed in a few words, and many of these sayings gradually
work their way into respectability— reluctantly admitted into the sanctuary of “literature” because of their strength,
clearness, adaptability.
While short words are necessary for force and vigor, it may be very desirable at times to use longer and less
familiar words to bring out the finer shade of meaning. A subtle distinction cannot be ignored simply because one
word is shorter than another. “Donate” and “give” are frequently used as synonyms, but “give” should not be used
because it is a short word when “donate” expresses the meaning more accurately. As a usual thing, “home” is
preferable to “residence,” but there are times when the longer word should be used. “Declare” and “state,”
“thoroughfare” and “street”—there are thousands of illustrations on this point, and while the short, Anglo-Saxon
word is always preferable, it should not be used when a longer word expresses more accurately the thought which
the writer wishes to convey.
Many letter writers think that these rules are all right for college professors, journalists and authors, but impractical
for the every-day business correspondent. Some of the most successful companies in the country, however, have
recognized the importance of these very points and have adopted strict rules that give strength and character to
the letters that are sent out.
For example, here is a paragraph taken from the book of instructions issued by a large manufacturing concern in
the middle west:
“Don’t use a long or big word where a short one will do as well or better. For example: ‘Begin’ is better than
‘commence’; ‘home’ or ‘house’ better than ‘residence’; ‘buy’ better than ‘purchase’;
‘live’ better than ‘reside’; ‘at once’ better than ‘immediately’;
‘give’ better than ‘donate’; ‘start’ or ‘begin’ better than ‘inaugurate.’”
The selection of words is not the only thing that the writer must consider. The placing of words to secure emphasis
is no less important. The strength of a statement may depend upon the adroitness with which the words are used.
“Not only to do one thing well but to do that one thing _best_--this has been our aim and our accomplishment.” In
this sentence, taken from a letter, emphasis is laid upon the word “best” by its position. The manufacturer has two
strong arguments to use on the dealer; one is the quality of the goods—so they will give satisfaction to the
customer—and the other is the appearance of the goods so they will attract the customer.
This is the sentence used by a clever writer: “We charge you for the service quality—we give you the appearance
quality.” The strength comes from the construction of the sentence throwing emphasis on “charge” and “give.”
“Durability—that is our talking point. Other machines are cheaper if you consider only initial cost; no other machine
is more economical when its durability, its length of service is considered.” Here the unusual position of the word
“durability,” thrown at the beginning of the sentence, gives an emphasis that could not be obtained in any other
way. And so the stylist considers not only the words he uses but he places them in the most strategic position in the
sentence—the beginning.
In the building of a climax this order of words is reversed since the purpose is to work up from the weakest to the
strongest word or phrase. The description, “sweet, pure and sanitary,” gives emphasis to the sanitary feature
because it comes last and lingers longest in the mind.
After the study of words, their meaning and position, the writer must look to completed sentences, and the man who
succeeds in selling goods by mail recognizes first of all the force of concise statements. “You can pay more but you
can’t buy more.” This statement strikes home with the force of a blow. “We couldn’t improve the powder so we
improved the box.” There is nothing but assertion in this sentence, but it carries conviction. Not a word is out of
place. Every word does duty. The idea is expressed concisely, forcibly. The simplicity of the sentence is more
effective than pages of prosaic argument.
Here is a sentence taken from a letter of a correspondence school:
“Assuming that you are in search of valuable information that may increase your earning capacity by a more
complete knowledge of any subject in which you may be interested, we desire to state most emphatically that your
wages increase with your intelligence.” This is not only ungrammatical, it is uninteresting. Contrast it with the
sentence taken from a letter from another correspondence school:
“You earn more as you learn more.” It is short, emphatic, thought producing. The idea is clearly etched into your
mind.
Short sentences are plain and forceful, but when used exclusively, they become tiresome and monotonous. A short
sentence is frequently most striking when preceding or following a long sentence—it gives variation of style.
Following a long sentence it comes as a quick, trip-hammer blow that is always effective. And there are times when
the proposition cannot be brought out clearly by short sentences. Then the long sentence comes to the rescue for
it permits of comparisons and climaxes that short sentences cannot give.
[Illustration: Unique enclosures catch the eye and insure a reading of the letter. Here are shown two facsimile
bonds—one, an investment bond and the other a guarantee bond; a sample of the diploma issued by a
correspondence school and a $15.00 certificate to apply on a course. The axe-blade booklet carries the message
of a wholesale hardware house, and the coupon, when filled out, calls for a free sample of toilet preparation.]
[Illustration: Neither printed descriptions nor pictures are as effective as actual samples of the product advertised.
Here are shown different methods of sending samples of dress goods, shirtings and cloth for other purposes. At the
right are some pieces of wood showing different varnishes and wall decorations, and at the bottom are veneers that
show different furniture finishes; the various colored pieces of leather are likewise used by furniture houses in
showing the styles of upholstering.]
It is the long, rambling sentences that topple a letter over onto the waste basket toboggan. But the sentence with a
climax, working up interest step by step, is indispensable. By eye test, by mechanical test, by erasure test and by
strength test, Orchard Hill Bond makes good its reputation as the best bond on the market for commercial use.
There is nothing tiresome about such a sentence. There is no difficulty in following the writer’s thought.
* * * * *
THE LETTER
THE VEHICLE
WORDS
SHORT
SAXON
SPECIFIC
INDIVIDUAL
PHRASES
VIVID
NATURAL
FIGURES
IDIOMS
SENTENCES
CLEAR
FORCEFUL
CLIMATIC
POLISHED
PARAGRAPHS
SHORT
UNIFORM
LOGICAL
ORDERLY
THE LOAD
IDEAS
GRAPHIC
TECHNICAL
CLEAR
COMPLETE
STATEMENTS
FACTS
PROOFS
REFERENCES
TESTIMONY
EXPLANATIONS
SPECIFIC
TECHNICAL
CLEAR
COMPLETE
ARGUMENTS
LOGICAL
CLIMATIC
CONCLUSIVE
CONVINCING
There are two elements in every letter: the thought and the language in which that thought is expressed. The
words, phrases, sentences and paragraphs are the vehicle which carries the load—explanations, arguments,
appeal. Neither can be neglected if the letter is to pull.
* * * * *
Here is another sentence showing the force to be attained through the use of a long sentence:
“Just as the physician may read medicine, just as the lawyer may read law, just so may a man now read business—
the science of the game which enables some men to succeed where hosts of others fail; it is no longer enveloped in
mystery and in darkness.” There is no danger of the reader’s becoming confused in the meaning and he is more
deeply impressed because his interest has been gained by the gradual unfolding of the idea back of the sentence,
the leading up to the important thought.
And after the choice of words, the placing of words and the construction of a sentence comes that other essential
element of style—the use of figures of speech, the illustrating of one’s thought by some apt allusion. Comparison
adds force by giving the reader a mental picture of the unknown, by suggestions of similarity to familiar things. The
language of the street, our conversational language, secures its color and expressiveness through figures of
speech—the clever simile and the apt metaphor light up a sentence and lift it out of the commonplace.
“Don’t hold yourself down,” “Don’t be bottled up,” “Don’t keep your nose on the grindstone”—these are the forceful
figures used in the letters of a correspondence school. The most ignorant boy knows that the writer did not mean to
be taken literally. Such figures are great factors in business letters because they make the meaning clear.
Here is the attention-getting first sentence of another letter:
“Don’t lull yourself to sleep with the talk that well enough should be let alone when practical salary-raising, profit-
boosting help is within your reach.” The sentence is made up of figures; you do not literally lull yourself to sleep with
talk, you don’t really boost profits, you don’t actually reach out and grasp the help the letter offers. The figures
merely suggest ideas, but they are vivid.
A sales manager writes to the boys on the road regarding a contest or a spurt for records: “Come on, boys. This is
the last turn round the track. The track was heavy at the start but if none of you break on the home stretch you are
bound to come under the wire with a good record.” The salesman will read this sort of a letter and be inspired by its
enthusiasm, when the letter would be given no more than a hurried glance if it said what it really means: “Get busy!
Keep on the job! Send in more orders.” By framing your ideas in artistic figures of speech you bring out their colors,
their lines, their fullest meanings—and more than that, you know your letters will be read.
But in the attempt to add grace and attractiveness by some familiar allusion, one must not overlook the importance
of facts—cold, plainly stated facts, which are often the shortest, most convincing argument. In the letter of an
advertising concern is this plain statement: “Last year our business was $2,435,893 ahead of the year before.” No
figure of speech, no touch of the stylist could make such a profound impression as this brief, concise statement of
fact.
The average correspondent will agree that these are all essential elements of style—his problem is practical: how
can he find the right words; how can he learn to put his proposition more clearly; how think up figures of speech that
will light up the thought or illustrate the proportion.
To some men an original style and the ability to write convincingly is a birthright. Others have to depend less on
inspiration and more on hard work. One man carries a note book in which he jots down, for future use, phrases,
words and comparisons that he comes across while reading his morning paper on the way down town, while going
through his correspondence, while listening to callers, while talking with friends at lunch, while attending some social
affair—wherever he is, his eyes and ears are always alert to catch a good phrase, an unusual expression or a new
figure of speech. At his first opportunity a notation is made in the ever-handy memorandum book.
Another man systematically reads articles by Elbert Hubbard, Alfred Henry Lewis, Samuel Blythe and other writers
whose trenchant pens replenish his storage with similes, metaphors and crisp expressions.
The head of a mail-order sales department of a large publishing house keeps a scrapbook in which he pastes
words, phrases, striking sentences and comparisons clipped from letters, advertisements, booklets, circulars, and
other printed matter. Each month he scans the advertisements in a dozen magazines and with a blue pencil checks
every expression that he thinks may some time be available or offer a suggestion. It is but a few minutes’ work for a
girl to clip and paste in these passages and his scrapbooks are an inexhaustible mine of ideas and suggestions.
Another man, after outlining his ideas, dictates a letter and then goes over it sentence by sentence and word by
word. With a dictionary and book of synonyms he tries to strengthen each word; he rearranges the words, writes
and rewrites the sentences, eliminating some, reinforcing others and devising new ones until he has developed his
idea with the precision of an artist at work on a drawing.
The average correspondent, handling a large number of letters daily, has little time to develop ideas for each letter
in this way, but by keeping before him a list of new words and phrases and figures of speech, they soon become a
part of his stock in trade. Then there are other letters to write—big selling letters that are to be sent out by the
thousands and letters that answer serious complaints, letters that call for diplomacy, tact, and above all, clearness
and force.
On these important letters the correspondent can well afford to spend time and thought and labor. A day or several
days may be devoted to one letter, but the thoughts that are turned over—the ideas that are considered, the
sentences that are written and discarded, the figures that are tried out—are not wasted, but are available for future
use; and by this process the writer’s style is strengthened. He acquires clearness, force, simplicity and
attractiveness—the elements that will insure the reading of his letters.
And one thing that every correspondent can do is to send to the scrap-heap all the shelf-worn words and hand-me-
down expressions such as, “We beg to acknowledge,” “We beg to state;” “Replying to your esteemed favor;” “the
same;” “the aforesaid;” “We take great pleasure in acknowledging,” and so on. They are old, wind-broken,
incapable of carrying a big message. And the participial phrases should be eliminated, such as: “Hoping to hear
from you;” “Trusting we will be favored;” “Awaiting your reply,” and so on, at the close of the letter. Say instead, “I
hope to hear from you;” or, “I trust we will receive your order;” or, “May we not hear from you?”
Interest the man quickly; put snap and sparkle in your letters. Give him clear and concise statements or use similes
and metaphors in your sentences—figures of speech that will turn a spot-light on your thoughts. Pick out your
words and put them into their places with the infinite care of a craftsman, but do not become artificial. Use every-
day, hard-working words and familiar illustrations that have the strength to carry your message without stumbling
before they reach their goal.
PART II—HOW TO WRITE THE LETTER—CHAPTER 6
After attention has been secured, you must lead quickly to your description and explanation; visualize your product
and introduce your proof, following this up with arguments. The art of the letter writer is found in his ability to lead
the reader along, paragraph by paragraph, without a break in the 'POINT of CONTACT'_that has been established.
Then the proposition must be presented so clearly that there is no possibility of its being misunderstood, and the
product or the service must be coupled up with the READER’S NEEDS.
How this can be done is described in this chapter.
* * * * *
After you have attracted attention and stimulated the interest of the reader, you have made a good beginning, but
only a beginning; you then have the hard task of holding that interest, explaining your proposition, pointing out the
superiority of the goods or the service that you are trying to sell and making an inducement that will bring in the
orders. Your case is in court, the jury has been drawn, the judge is attentive and the opposing counsel is alert—it is
up to you to prove your case.
Good business letter, consciously or unconsciously usually contains four elements: description, explanation,
argument and persuasion. These factors may pass under different names, but they are present and most
correspondents will include two other elements—inducement and clincher.
In this chapter we will consider description, explanation and argument as the vehicles one may use in carrying his
message to the reader.
An essential part of all sales letters is a clear description of the article or goods—give the prospect a graphic idea
of how the thing you are trying to sell him looks, and this description should follow closely after the interest-getting
introduction. To describe an article graphically one has got to know it thoroughly: the material of which it is made;
the processes of manufacture; how it is sold and shipped—every detail about it.
There are two extremes to which correspondents frequently go. One makes the description too technical, using
language and terms that are only partially understood by the reader. He does not appreciate that the man to whom
he is writing may not understand the technical or colloquial language that is so familiar to everyone in the house.
For instance, if a man wants to install an electric fan in his office, it would be the height of folly to write him a letter
filled with technical descriptions about the quality of the fan, the magnetic density of the iron that is used, the quality
of the insulation, the kilowatts consumed—“talking points” that would be lost on the average business man. The
letter that would sell him would give specific, but not technical information, about how the speed of the fan is easily
regulated, that it needs to be oiled but once a year, and costs so much a month to operate. These are the things in
which the prospective customer is interested.
Then there is the correspondent whose descriptions are too vague; too general—little more than bald assertions. A
letter from a vacuum cleaner manufacturing company trying to interest agents is filled with such statements as:
“This is the best hand power machine ever manufactured,” “It is the greatest seller ever produced,” “It sells instantly
upon demonstration.” No one believes such exaggerations as these. Near the end of the letter—where the writer
should be putting in his clincher, there is a little specific information stating that the device weighs only five pounds,
is made of good material and can be operated by a child. If this paragraph had followed quickly after the
introduction and had gone into further details, the prospect might have been interested, but it is probable that the
majority of those who received the letter never read as far as the bottom of the second page.
If a man is sufficiently interested in a product to write for catalogue and information, or if you have succeeded in
getting his attention in the opening paragraph of a sales letter, he is certain to read a description that is specific
and definite.
The average man thinks of a work bench as a work bench and would be at a loss to describe one, but he has a
different conception after reading these paragraphs from a manufacturer’s letter:
“Just a word so you will understand the superiority of our goods.
“Our benches are built principally of maple, the very best Michigan hard maple, and we carry this timber in our
yards in upwards of a million feet at a time. It is piled up and allowed to air dry for at least two years before being
used; then the stock is kiln dried to make sure that the lumber is absolutely without moisture or sap, and we know
there can be no warping or opening of glue joints in the finished product.
“Our machinery is electrically driven, securing an even drive to the belt, thus getting the best work from all
equipment—absolutely true cuts that give perfect joints to all work.
“Then, as to glue: Some manufacturers contend that any glue that sticks will do. We insist there should be no
question about glue joints; no ‘perhaps’ in our argument. That’s why we use only the best by test; not merely
sticking two pieces of wood together to try the joint quality, but glue that is scientifically tested for tenacity, viscosity,
absorption, and for acid or coloring matter—in short, every test that can be applied.”
* * * * *
This description is neither too technical nor too general; it carries conviction, it is specific enough to appeal to a
master carpenter, and it is clear enough to be understood by the layman who never handled a saw or planer.
It may be laid down as a principle that long description should ordinarily be made in circulars, folders or catalogues
that are enclosed with the letter or sent in a separate envelope, but sometimes it is desirable to emphasize certain
points in the letter. Happy is the man who can eject enough originality into this description to make it easy reading.
The majority of correspondents, in describing the parts of an automobile, would say:
“The celebrated Imperial Wheel Bearings are used, These do not need to be oiled oftener than once in six months.”
* * * * *
A correspondent who knew how to throw light into dark places said:
“Imperial Wheel Bearings: grease twice a year and forget.”
* * * * *
This “and forget” is such a clever stroke that you are carried on through the rest of the letter, and you are not
bored with the figures and detailed description.
In a similar way a sales manager, in writing the advertising matter for a motor cycle, leads up to his description of
the motor and its capacity by the brief statement: “No limit to speed but the law.” This is a friction clutch on the
imagination that carries the reader’s interest to the end.
One writer avoids bringing technical descriptions into his letters, at the same time carrying conviction as to the
quality of his goods:
“This metal has been subjected to severe accelerated corrosion tests held in accordance with rigid specifications
laid down by the American Society for Testing Material, and has proven to corrode much less than either charcoal
iron, wrought iron, or steel sheet.
“A complete record of these tests and results will be found on the enclosed sheet.”
* * * * *
Then there are times when description may be almost entirely eliminated from the letter. For instance, if you are
trying to sell a man a house and lot and he has been out to look at the place and has gone over it thoroughly, there
is little more that you can say in the way of description. Your letter must deal entirely with arguments as to why he
should buy now—persuasion, inducement. Or, if you are trying to sell him the typewriter that he has been trying out
in his office for a month, description is unnecessary—the load your letter must carry is lightened. And there are
letters in which explanation is unnecessary. If you are trying to get a man to order a suit of clothes by mail, you will
not explain the use of clothes but you will bear down heavily on the description of the material that you put into
these particular garments and point out why it is to his advantage to order direct of the manufacturers.
But if you are presenting a new proposition, it is necessary to explain its nature, its workings, its principles and
appliances. If you are trying to sell a fountain pen you will not waste valuable space in explaining to the reader what
a fountain pen is good for and why he should have one, but rather you will give the reasons for buying your
particular pen in preference to others. You will explain the self-filling feature and the new patent which prevents its
leaking or clogging.
It is not always possible to separate description and explanation.
Here is an illustration taken from a letter sent out by a mail-order shoe company:
“I hope your delay in ordering is not the result of any lack of clear information about Wearwells. Let me briefly
mention some of the features of Wearwell shoes that I believe warrant you in favoring us with your order:
(A) Genuine custom style;
(B) Highest grade material and workmanship;
(C) The best fit—thanks to our quarter-sized system—that it is possible to obtain in shoes;
(D) Thorough foot comfort and long wear;
(E) Our perfect mail-order service; and
(F) The guaranteed PROOF OF QUALITY given in the specification tag sent with every pair.”
* * * * *
This is a concise summary of a longer description that had been given in a previous letter and it explains why the
shoes will give satisfaction.
Here is the paragraph by which the manufacturer of a time-recording device, writing about the advantages of his
system puts in explanation plus argument:
“Every employee keeps his own time and cannot question his own record. All mechanism is hidden and locked.
Nothing can be tampered with. The clock cannot be stopped. The record cannot be beaten.
“This device fits into any cost system and gives an accurate record of what time every man puts on every job. It
serves the double purpose of furnishing you a correct time-on-job cost and prevents loafing. It stops costly leaks
and enables you to figure profit to the last penny.”
* * * * *
Explanation may run in one of many channels. It may point out how the careful selection of raw material makes your
product the best, or how the unusual facilities of your factory or the skill of your workmen, or the system of testing
the parts assures the greatest value. You might explain why the particular improvements and the patents on your
machines make it better or give it greater capacity. The description and the explanation must of necessity depend
upon the character of the proposition, but it may be laid down as a general principle that the prospect must be
made to understand thoroughly just what the article is for, how it is made, how it looks, how it is used, and what its
points of superiority are. Whenever possible, the description and explanation in the letter should be reinforced by
samples or illustrations that will give a more graphic idea of the product.
The prospect may be sufficiently familiar with the thing you are selling to relieve you of the necessity of describing
and explaining, although usually these supports are necessary for a selling campaign. But it must be remembered
that description and explanation alone do not make a strong appeal to the will. They may arouse interest and excite
desire but they do not carry conviction as argument does. Some letters are full of explanation and description but
lack argument. The repair man from the factory may give a good explanation of how a machine works, but the
chances are he would fall down in trying to sell the machine, unless he understood how to reinforce his explanations
with a salesman’s ability to use argument and persuasion.
And so you must look well to your arguments, and the arguments that actually pull the most orders consist of
proofs—cold, hard logic and facts that cannot be questioned. As you hope for the verdict of the jury you must prove
your case. It is amazing how many correspondents fail to appreciate the necessity for arguments. Pages will be filled
with assertions, superlative adjectives, boastful claims of superiority, but not one sentence that offers proof of any
statement, not one logical reason why the reader should be interested.
“We know you will make a mint of money if you put in our goods.” “This is the largest and most complete line in the
country.” “Our factory has doubled its capacity during the last three years.” “Our terms are the most liberal that
have ever been offered.” “You are missing the opportunity of your lifetime if you do not accept this proposition.”
“We hope to receive your order by return mail, for you will never have such a wonderful opportunity again.” Such
sentences fill the pages of thousands of letters that are mailed every day.
“Our system of inspection with special micrometer gauges insures all parts being perfect—within one-thousandth of
an inch of absolute accuracy. This means, too, any time you want an extra part of your engine for replacement that
you can get it and that it will fit. If we charged you twice as much for the White engine, we could not give you better
material or workmanship.”
* * * * *
Now this is an argument that is worth while: that the parts of the engine are so accurately ground that repairs can
be made quickly, and new parts will fit without a moment’s trouble. The last sentence of the paragraph is of course
nothing but assertion, but it is stated in a way that carries conviction. Many correspondents would have bluntly
declared that this was the best engine ever manufactured, or something of that kind, and made no impression at all
on the minds of the readers. But the statement that the company could not make a better engine, even if it charged
twice as much, sinks in.
Proof of quality is always one of the strongest arguments that can be used. A man wants to feel sure that he is
given good value for his money, it matters not whether he is buying a lead pencil or an automobile. And next to
argument of quality is the argument of price. Here are some striking paragraphs taken from the letter sent out by a
firm manufacturing gummed labels and advertising stickers:
“We would rather talk quality than price because no other concern prints better stickers than ours—but we can’t
help talking price because no other concern charges as little for them as we do.”
* * * * *
This is a strong statement but it is nothing more than a statement The writer, however, hastens to come forward with
argument and proof:
“You know we make a specialty of gummed labels—do nothing else. We have special machinery designed by
ourselves—machinery that may be used by no other concern. This enables us to produce better stickers at a
minimum expense.
“All of our stickers are printed on the best stock, and double gummed, and, by the way, compare the gumming of
our stickers with those put up by other concerns. We have built up a business and reputation on stickers that stick
and stay.”
* * * * *
If you were in the market for labels you would not hesitate to send an order to that firm, for the writer gives you
satisfying reasons for the quality and the low price of his goods. The argument in favor of its goods is presented
clearly, concisely, convincingly.
The argument that will strike home to the merchant is one that points out his opportunity for gain. Here is the way a
wholesale grocer presented his proposition on a new brand of coffee:
“You put in this brand of coffee and we stand back of you and push sales. Our guarantee of quality goes with every
pound we put out. Ask the opinion of all your customers. If there is the least dissatisfaction, refund them the price
of their coffee and deduct it from our next bill. So confident are we of the satisfaction that this coffee will give that we
agree to take back at the end of six months all the remaining stock you have on hand—that is, if you do not care to
handle the brand longer.
“You have probably never sold guaranteed coffee before. You take no chances. The profit is as large as on other
brands, and your customers will be impressed with the guarantee placed on every pound.”
* * * * *
The guarantee and the offer of the free trial are possibly the two strongest arguments that can be used either with a
dealer or in straight mail-order selling.
Among the arguments that are most effective are testimonials and references to satisfied users. If the writer can
refer to some well-known firm or individual as a satisfied customer he strengthens his point.
“When we showed this fixture to John Wanamaker’s man, it took just about three minutes to close the deal for six of
them. Since then they have ordered seventy-four more.”
* * * * *
Such references as this naturally inspire confidence in a proposition and extracts from letters may be used with
great effect, provided the name and address of the writer is given, so that it will have every appearance of being
genuine.
A solicitor of patents at Washington works into his letters to prospective clients quotations from manufacturers:
“’We wish to be put in communication with the inventor of some useful novelty, instrument or device, who is looking
for a way to market his invention. We want to increase our business along new lines and manufacture under
contract, paying royalties to the patentee.
“’If your clients have any articles of merit that they want to market, kindly communicate with us. Our business is the
manufacture of patented articles under contract and we can undoubtedly serve many of your clients in a profitable
manner.’”
* * * * *
Such extracts as these are intended to impress upon the inventor the desirability of placing his business with
someone who has such a wide acquaintance and is in a position to put him in touch with manufacturers.
To send a list of references may also prove a most convincing argument, especially if the writer can refer to some
man or firm located near the one to whom he is writing. A mutual acquaintance forms a sort of connecting link that is
a pulling force even though the reference is never looked up. In fact, it is only on occasions that references of this
kind are investigated, for the mere naming of banks and prominent business men is sufficient to inspire confidence
that the proposition is “on the square.”
After you have explained your proposition, described your goods and pointed out to the prospect how it is to his
advantage to possess these goods, the time has come to make him an offer.
One of the pathetic sins of business letter writers is to work in the price too early in the letter—before the prospect
is interested in the proposition. The clever salesman always endeavors to work up one’s interest to the highest
possible pitch before price is mentioned at all. Many solicitors consider it so essential to keep the price in the
background until near the end of the canvass that they artfully dodge the question, “What is the cost?”, until they
think the prospect is sufficiently interested not to “shy” when the figure is mentioned.
A letter from a company seeking to interest agents starts out awkwardly with a long paragraph:
“We will be pleased to have you act as our salesman. We need a representative in your city. We know you will make
a success.”
* * * * *
Then follows a second paragraph giving the selling price of a “complete outfit” although there has not been a line in
the letter to warm up the reader, to interest him in the proposition, to point out how he can make money and show
him where he will benefit by handling this particular line.
After this poor beginning the letter goes on with its explanation and argument, but the message is lost—a message
that might have borne fruit had the writer repressed his own selfish motives and pointed out how the reader would
gain. There is then plenty of time to refer to the cost of the outfit.
A letter from a manufacturing concern selling direct to the consumer starts out in this kill-interest fashion:
“Did you get our circular describing the merits of our celebrated Wonderdown Mattresses which cost, full size, $10
each?”
* * * * *
An experienced correspondent would never commit such a blunder for he would not bring in the price until near the
end of the letter; or, more likely, the dollar mark would not appear in the letter at all. It would be shown only in an
enclosure—folder, circular, catalogue or price list. So important is this point that many schemes have been devised
for keeping the cost in the back-ground and this is one of the principal reasons why many concerns are
emphasizing more and more the free trial and selling on instalments.
One manufacturing company makes a talking point out of the fact that the only condition on which it will sell a
machine is to put it in a plant for a sixty-day trial; then if it is found satisfactory the purchaser has his option of
different methods of payments: a discount for all cash or monthly instalments.
There are many propositions successfully handled by gradually working up interest to the point where price can be
brought in, then leading quickly to the inducement and the clincher. In such a letter the price could not be ignored
very well and the effect is lost unless it is brought in at the proper place, directly following the argument.
Like all rules, there are exceptions to this. Sometimes where the reader is familiar with the proposition it may be a
good policy to catch his attention by a special price offer at the very beginning of the letter. This is frequently done
in follow-up letters where it is reasonably certain that the preceding correspondence has practically exhausted
explanation, description and arguments. The problem here is different and a special price may be the strongest
talking point.
Then, of course, there are letters that are intended merely to arouse the interest of the reader and induce him to
write for prices and further information. The purpose here is to stimulate the interest and induce the recipient to
send in particulars regarding his needs and ask for terms. After a man’s interest has been this far stimulated it is
comparatively easy to quote prices without frightening him away.
But in the majority of sales letters an offer must be made, for price, after all, is the one thing that is, to the reader, of
first importance. Most men want to know all about a proposition without the bother of further correspondence and so
a specific offer should usually follow the arguments.
How To Bring The Letter To A CLOSE
PART II—HOW TO WRITE THE LETTER—CHAPTER 7
GETTING ATTENTION, explaining a proposition and presenting arguments and proofs are essentials in every letter,
but they merely lead up to the vital part - GETTING ACTION.
They must be closely followed by PERSUASION, INDUCEMENT and a CLINCHER.
The well written letter works up to a climax and the order should be secured while interest is at its height. Many
correspondents stumble when they come to the close. This chapter shows how to make a get-away - how to hook
the order, or if the order is not secured - how to leave the way open to come back with a follow-up.
* * * * *
Nothing will take the place of arguments and logical reasons in selling an article or a service. But most salesmen will
bear out the statement that few orders would be taken unless persuasion and inducement are brought into play to
get the prospect’s name onto the dotted line. Persuasion alone sells few goods outside of the church fair but it
helps out the arguments and proofs. The collector’s troubles come mainly from sales that are made by persuasion,
for the majority of men who are convinced by sound arguments and logical reasons to purchase a machine or a line
of goods carry out their part of the bargain if they can.
There are a good many correspondents who are clever enough in presenting their proposition, but display a most
limited knowledge of human nature in using persuasions that rubs the prospect the wrong way.
“Why will you let a few dollars stand between you and success? Why waste your time, wearing yourself out working
for others? Why don’t you throw off the conditions which bind you down to a small income? Why don’t you shake off
the shackles? Why don’t you rise to the opportunity that is now presented to you?”
* * * * *
Such a letter is an insult to anyone who receives it, for it really tells him that he is a “mutt” and does not know it.
Compare the preceding paragraph with this forceful appeal:
“Remember, the men now in positions you covet did not tumble into them by accident. At one time they had nothing
more to guide them than an opportunity exactly like this one. Someone pointed out to them the possibilities and they
took the chance and gradually attained their present success. Have you the courage to make the start, grasp an
opportunity, work out your destiny in this same way?”
* * * * *
This is persuasion by pointing out what others have done. It is the persuasion of example; an appeal that is
dignified and inspirational.
And here, as in all other parts of the letter, there is the tendency to make the appeal from the selfish standpoint—
the profits that will accrue to the writer:
“We strongly advise that you get a piece of this land at once. It is bound to increase in value. You can’t lose. Won’t
you cast your lot with us now? It is your last opportunity to get a piece of this valuable land at this extremely low
price. Take our word for it and make your decision now before it is too late.”
* * * * *
A manufacturer of folding machines got away from this attitude and cleverly combined persuasion and inducement
in an offer made to newspaper publishers during the month of October:
“You want to try this folder thoroughly before you buy it and no better test can be given than during the holiday
season when heavy advertising necessitates large editions. Now, if you will put in one of these folders right away
and use it every week, we will extend our usual sixty-day terms to January 15th. This will enable you to test it out
thoroughly and, furthermore, you will not have to make the first payment until you have opportunity to make
collections for the December advertising. This proposition must be accepted before Oct. 31st.”
* * * * *
Such an inducement is timely and doubly effective on this account. The appeal reaches the newspaper man at the
season of the year when he is busiest; just the time when he most needs a folder, and the manufacturer provides
for the first payment at the time of year when the average publisher has the largest bank account.
Occasionally the most effective persuasion is a ginger talk, a regular “Come on, boys,” letter that furnishes the
dynamic force necessary to get some men started:
“There is no better time to start in this business than right now. People always spend money freely just before the
holidays—get in the game and get your share of this loose coin. Remember, we ship the day the order comes in.
Send us your order this afternoon and the goods will be at your door day after tomorrow. You can have several
hundred dollars in the bank by this time next week. Why not? All you need to do is to make the decision now.
“Unless you are blind or pretty well crippled up, you needn’t expect that people will come around and drop good
money into your hat. But they will loosen up if you go out after them with a good proposition such as this—and
provided you get to them before the other fellow. The whole thing is to get started. Get in motion! Get busy! If you
don’t want to take time to write, telegraph at our expense. It doesn’t make much difference how you start, the thing
is to start. Are you with us?”
* * * * *
Now, there really is nothing in these two paragraphs except a little ginger, and a good deal of slang, but this may
prove the most effective stimulant to a man’s energy, the kind of persuasion to get him in motion.
One thing to be constantly guarded against is exaggeration—“laying it on too thick.” Concerns selling goods on the
instalment basis through agents who are paid on commission, find their hardest problem is to collect money where
the proposition was painted in too glowing colors. The representative, thinking only of his commission on the sale,
puts the proposition too strong, makes the inducement so alluring that the goods do not measure up to the
salesman’s claims.
Then the correspondent should be careful not to put the inducement so strong that it will attract out of curiosity
rather than out of actual intent. Many clever advertisements pull a large number of inquiries but few sales are made.
It is a waste of time and money to use an inducement that does not stimulate an actual interest. Many a mailing list
is choked with deadwood—names that represent curiosity seekers and the company loses on both hands, for it
costs money to get those names on the list and it costs more money to get them off the list.
The correspondent should never attempt to persuade a man by assuming an injured attitude. Because a man
answers an advertisement or writes for information, does not put him under the slightest obligation to purchase the
goods and he cannot be shamed into parting with his money by such a paragraph as this:
“Do you think you have treated us fairly in not replying to our letters? We have written to you time and again just as
courteously as we know how; we have asked you to let us know whether or not you are interested; we have tried to
be perfectly fair and square with you; and yet you have not done us the common courtesy of replying. Do you think
this is treating us just right? Don’t you think you ought to write us, and if you are not intending to buy, to let us know
the reason?”
* * * * *
If the recipient reads that far down into his letter, it will only serve to make him mad. No matter what inducement the
company may make him later, it is not probable that it can overcome the prejudice that such an insulting paragraph
will have created.
Some of the correspondence schools understand how to work in persuasion cleverly and effectively. Here is a
paragraph that is dignified and persuasive:
“Remember also that this is the best time of the entire year to get good positions, as wholesalers and
manufacturers all over the country will put on thousands of new men for the coming season. We are receiving
inquiries right along from the best firms in the country who ask us to provide them with competent salesmen. We
have supplied them with so many good men that they always look to us when additional help is required, and just
now the demand is so great that we can gurantee you a position if you start the course this month.”
* * * * *
Persuasion plays a small part in selling general commodities, such as machinery, equipment, supplies, and the
articles of every-day business, but correspondence courses, insurance, banking, building and loan propositions
and various investment schemes can be pushed and developed by an intelligent use of this appeal.
Merged with the persuasion or closely following it should be some inducement to move the reader to “buy now.”
Description, explanation, argument and even persuasion are not enough to get the order. A specific inducement is
necessary. There are many things that we intend to buy sometime, articles in which we have become interested, but
letters about them have been tucked away in a pigeon-hole until we have more time. It is likely that everyone of
those letters would have been answered had they contained specific inducements that convinced us it would be a
mistake to delay.
In some form or another, gain is the essence of all inducements, for gain is the dynamic force to all our business
movements. The most familiar form of inducement is the special price, or special terms that are good if “accepted
within ten days.” The inducement of free trial and free samples are becoming more widely used every day.
The most effective letters are those that work in the inducement so artfully that the reader feels he is missing
something if he does not answer. The skillful correspondent does not tell him bluntly that he will miss the opportunity
of a life time if he does not accept a proposition; he merely suggests it in a way that makes a much more powerful
impression. Here is the way a correspondence school uses inducements in letters to prospective students in its
mechanical drawing course. After telling the prospect about the purchase of a number of drawing outfits it follows
with this paragraph:
“It was necessary to place this large order in order to secure the sets at the lowest possible figure. Knowing that this
number will exceed our weekly sales, we have decided to offer these extra sets to some of the ambitious young men
who have been writing to us. If you will fill out the enclosed scholarship blank and mail at once we will send you one
of these handsome sets FREE, express prepaid. But this offer must be accepted before the last of the month. At the
rate the scholarship blanks are now coming in, it is more than likely that the available sets will be exhausted before
November 1st. It is necessary therefore that you send us your application at once.”
* * * * *
It is not necessary to offer something for nothing in your inducement. In fact, a good reason is usually a better order
getter than a good premium. Make the man want your proposition—that is the secret of the good sales letter. If a
man really wants your product he is going to get it sooner or later, and the selling letters that score the biggest
results are those that create desire; following argument and reason with an inducement that persuades a man to
part with his hard-earned money and buy your goods.
It is a never-ending surprise—the number of correspondents who cleverly attract the interest of a reader, present
their proposition forcibly and convincingly, following with arguments and inducements that persuade him to buy, and
then, just as he is ready to reach for his check book, turn heel and leave him with the assurance that they will be
pleased to give him further information when they could have had his order by laying the contract before him and
saying, “Sign here.”
There are plenty of good starters who are poor finishers. They get attention but don’t get the order. They are
winded at the finish; they stumble at the climax where they should be strongest, and the interest which they worked
so hard to stimulate oozes away. They fail because they do not know how to close.
As you hope for results, do not overlook the summary and the climax.
Do not forget to insert a hook that will land the order.
Time, energy and money are alike wasted in creating desire if you fail to crystallize it in action. Steer your letter
away from the hold-over file as dexterously as you steer it away from the waste basket. It is not enough to make
your prospect want to order, you must make it easy for him to order by enclosing order blanks, return envelopes,
instructions and other “literature” that will strengthen your arguments and whet his desire; and more than that, you
must reach a real climax in your letters—tell the prospect what to do and how to do it.
The climax is not a part distinct from the parts that have gone before. Persuasion and inducement are but elements
of the climax, working the prospect up to the point where you can insert a paragraph telling him to “sign and mail
today.” How foolish to work up the interest and then let the reader down with such a paragraph as this:
“Thanking you for your inquiry and hoping to be favored with your order, and assuring you it will be fully
appreciated and receive our careful attention, we are.”
* * * * *
Such a paragraph pulls few orders. Compare the foregoing with the one that fairly galvanizes the reader into
immediate action:
“Send us a $2.00 bill now. If you are not convinced that this file is the best $2.00 investment ever made, we will
refund your money for the mere asking. Send today, while you have it in mind.”
* * * * *
Here is a paragraph not unlike the close of dozens of letters that you read every week:
“Trusting that we may hear from you in the near future and hoping we will have the pleasure of numbering you
among our customers, we are,”
* * * * *
Such a close invites delay in answering. It is an order killer; it smothers interest, it delays action. But here is a close
that is likely to bring the order if the desire has been created.
“Simply wrap a $1.00 bill in this letter and send to us at our risk.”
* * * * *
A writer who does not understand the psychology of suggestion writes this unfortunate closing paragraph:
“Will you not advise us at an early date whether or not you are interested in our proposition? As you have not
replied to our previous letters, we begin to fear that you do not intend to avail yourself of this wonderful opportunity,
and we would be very glad to have you write us if this is a fact.”
* * * * *
How foolish to help along one’s indifference by the suggestion that he is not interested. Just as long as you spend
postage on a prospect treat him as a probable customer. Assume that he is interested; take it for granted that there
is some reason why he has not replied and present new arguments, new persuasion, new inducements for ordering
now.
A firm handling a line very similar to that of the firm which sent out the letter quoted above, always maintains the
attitude that the prospect is going to order some time and its close fairly bristles with “do it now” hooks:
“Step right over to the telegraph office and send us your order by telegraph at our expense. With this business,
every day’s delay means loss of dollars to you. Stop the leak! Save the dollars! Order today!”
* * * * *
Another unfortunate ending is a groveling servility in which the writer comes on his knees, as it were, begging for
the privilege of presenting his proposition again at some future time. Here are the two last paragraphs of a three-
paragraph letter sent out by an engraving company—an old established, substantial concern that has no reason to
apologize for soliciting business, no reason for meeting other concerns on any basis except that of equality:
“Should you not be in the market at the present time for anything in our line of work, we would esteem it a great
favor to us if you would file this letter and let us hear from you when needing anything in the way of engraving. If
you will let us know when you are ready for something in this line we will deem it a privilege to send a representative
to call on you.
“Trusting we have not made ourselves forward in this matter and hoping that we may hear from you, we are,”
* * * * *
It is a safe prediction that this letter was written by a new sales manager who will soon be looking for another job.
Such an apologetic note, with such a lack of selling talk, such a street beggar attitude could never escape the waste
basket. The salesman who starts out by saying, “You wouldn’t be interested in this book, would you?” takes no
orders. The letter that comes apologizing and excusing itself before it gets our attention, and, if it gets our attention,
then lets down just as we are ready to sign an order, is headed straight for the car wheel plant.
Avoid in the closing paragraph, as far as possible, the participial phrases such as “Thanking you,” “Hoping to be
favored,” “Assuring you of our desire,” and so forth. Say instead, “We thank you,” “It is a pleasure to assure you,”
or “May I not hear from you by return mail?” Such a paragraph is almost inevitably an anti-climax; it affords too
much of a let-down to the proposition.
One of the essentials to the clinching of an order is the enclosures such as order blanks and return envelopes—
subjects that are sufficiently important to call for separate chapters.
The essential thing to remember in working up to the climax is to make it a climax; to keep up the reader’s interest,
to insert a hook that will get the man’s order before his desire has time to cool off. Your proposition is not a fireless
cooker that will keep his interest warm for a long time after the heat of your letter has been removed—and it will be
just that much harder to warm him up the second time. Insert the hook that will get the order NOW, for there will
never be quite such a favorable time again.
“STYLE” In Letter Writing—And How To Acquire It
PART III—STYLE—MAKING THE LETTER READABLE—CHAPTER 8
SPECIFIC STATEMENTS and CONCRETE FACTS are the substance of a business letter. But whether that letter is
read or not, or whether those statements and facts are FORCEFUL and EFFECTIVE, is dependent upon the
manner in which they are presented to the reader—upon the “style.
” What “style” is, and how it may be acquired and put to practical use in business correspondence, is described in
this chapter.
* * * * *
Letter writing is a craft—selecting and arranging words in sentences to convey a thought clearly and concisely.
While letters take the place of spoken language, they lack the animation and the personal magnetism of the
speaker—a handicap that must be overcome by finding words and arranging them in sentences in such a way that
they will attract attention quickly, explain a proposition fully, make a distinct impression upon the reader and move
him to reply. Out of the millions of messages that daily choke the mails, only a small per cent rise above the dead
level of colorless, anemic correspondence.
The great majority of business letters are not forcible; they are not productive. They have no style. The meat is
served without a dressing. The letters bulge with solid facts, stale statements and indigestible arguments—the
relishes are lacking. Either the writers do not realize that effectiveness comes only with an attractive style or they do
not know how a crisp and invigorating style can be cultivated. Style has nothing to do with the subject matter of a
letter. Its only concern is in the language used—in the words and sentences which describe, explain and persuade,
and there is no subject so commonplace, no proposition so prosaic that the letter cannot be made readable and
interesting when a stylist takes up his pen.
In choosing words the average writer looks at them instead of into them, and just as there are messages between
the lines of a letter, just so are there half-revealed, half-suggested thoughts between the letters of words—the
suggestiveness to which Hawthorne referred as “the unaccountable spell that lurks in a syllable.” There is character
and personality in words, and Shakespeare left a message to twentieth-century correspondents when he advised
them to “find the eager words—faint words—tired words—weak words—strong words—sick words—successful
words.” The ten-talent business writer is the man who knows these words, recognizes their possibilities and their
limitations and chooses them with the skill of an artist in mixing the colors for his canvas.
To be clear, to be forceful, to be attractive—these are the essentials of style. To secure these elements, the writer
must make use of carefully selected words and apt figures of speech. Neglect them and a letter is lost in the mass;
its identity is lacking, it fails to grip attention or carry home the idea one wishes to convey.
An insipid style, is responsible for much of the ineffectiveness in business letters. Few men will take the time to
decipher a proposition that is obscured by ambiguous words and involved phrases. Unless it is obviously to a man’s
advantage to read such a letter it is dropped into the waste basket, taking with it the message that might have found
an interested prospect if it had been expressed clearly, logically, forcibly.
The first essential for style is clearness—make your meaning plain. Look to the individual words; use them in the
simplest way— distinctive words to give exactness of meaning and familiar words to give strength. Words are the
private soldiers under the command of the writer and for ease of management he wants small words—a long word is
out of place, unwieldy, awkward. The “high-sounding” words that are dragged in by main force for the sake of effect
weigh down the letter, make it logy. The reader may be impressed by the language but not by the thought. He reads
the words and misses the message.
Avoid long, unfamiliar words. Clothe your thoughts in words that no one can mistake—the kind of language that
men use in the office and on the street. Do not make the reader work to see your point; he is busy, he has other
things to do—it is your proposition and it is to your interest to put in that extra work, those additional minutes that
will make the letter easily understood. It is too much to expect the reader to exert himself to dig out your meaning
and then enthuse himself over your proposition.
The men who write pulling letters weigh carefully every sentence, not only pruning away every unessential word but
using words of Anglo-Saxon origin wherever possible rather than words of Latin derivation. “Indicate your selection”
was written as the catch line for a letter in an important selling campaign, but the head correspondent with unerring
decision re-wrote it—“Take your choice”—a simpler, stronger statement. The meaning goes straight to the reader’s
mind without an effort on his part. “We are unable to discern” started out the new correspondent in answering a
complaint. “We cannot see” was the revision written in by the master correspondent—short, concise, to the point.
“With your kind permission I should like to say in reply to your favor”—such expressions are found in letters every
day—thousands of them. The reader is tired before the subject matter is reached.
The correspondent who is thinking about the one to whom he is writing starts out briefly and to the point by saying,
“This is in reply to your letter,” or, “Thank you for calling our attention to, and so forth.” The reader is impressed
that the writer means business. The attitude is not antagonistic; it commands attention.
Letters are unnaturally burdened with long words and stilted phrases, while in conversation one’s thoughts seek
expression through lines of least resistance—familiar words and short sentences. But in writing, these same
thoughts go stumbling over long words and groping through involved phrases.
Proverbs are sentences that have lived because they express a thought briefly in short, familiar words. Slang
becomes popular because of the wealth of meaning expressed in a few words, and many of these sayings gradually
work their way into respectability— reluctantly admitted into the sanctuary of “literature” because of their strength,
clearness, adaptability.
While short words are necessary for force and vigor, it may be very desirable at times to use longer and less
familiar words to bring out the finer shade of meaning. A subtle distinction cannot be ignored simply because one
word is shorter than another. “Donate” and “give” are frequently used as synonyms, but “give” should not be used
because it is a short word when “donate” expresses the meaning more accurately. As a usual thing, “home” is
preferable to “residence,” but there are times when the longer word should be used. “Declare” and “state,”
“thoroughfare” and “street”—there are thousands of illustrations on this point, and while the short, Anglo-Saxon
word is always preferable, it should not be used when a longer word expresses more accurately the thought which
the writer wishes to convey.
Many letter writers think that these rules are all right for college professors, journalists and authors, but impractical
for the every-day business correspondent. Some of the most successful companies in the country, however, have
recognized the importance of these very points and have adopted strict rules that give strength and character to
the letters that are sent out.
For example, here is a paragraph taken from the book of instructions issued by a large manufacturing concern in
the middle west:
“Don’t use a long or big word where a short one will do as well or better. For example: ‘Begin’ is better than
‘commence’; ‘home’ or ‘house’ better than ‘residence’; ‘buy’ better than ‘purchase’;
‘live’ better than ‘reside’; ‘at once’ better than ‘immediately’;
‘give’ better than ‘donate’; ‘start’ or ‘begin’ better than ‘inaugurate.’”
The selection of words is not the only thing that the writer must consider. The placing of words to secure emphasis
is no less important. The strength of a statement may depend upon the adroitness with which the words are used.
“Not only to do one thing well but to do that one thing _best_--this has been our aim and our accomplishment.” In
this sentence, taken from a letter, emphasis is laid upon the word “best” by its position. The manufacturer has two
strong arguments to use on the dealer; one is the quality of the goods—so they will give satisfaction to the
customer—and the other is the appearance of the goods so they will attract the customer.
This is the sentence used by a clever writer: “We charge you for the service quality—we give you the appearance
quality.” The strength comes from the construction of the sentence throwing emphasis on “charge” and “give.”
“Durability—that is our talking point. Other machines are cheaper if you consider only initial cost; no other machine
is more economical when its durability, its length of service is considered.” Here the unusual position of the word
“durability,” thrown at the beginning of the sentence, gives an emphasis that could not be obtained in any other
way. And so the stylist considers not only the words he uses but he places them in the most strategic position in the
sentence—the beginning.
In the building of a climax this order of words is reversed since the purpose is to work up from the weakest to the
strongest word or phrase. The description, “sweet, pure and sanitary,” gives emphasis to the sanitary feature
because it comes last and lingers longest in the mind.
After the study of words, their meaning and position, the writer must look to completed sentences, and the man who
succeeds in selling goods by mail recognizes first of all the force of concise statements. “You can pay more but you
can’t buy more.” This statement strikes home with the force of a blow. “We couldn’t improve the powder so we
improved the box.” There is nothing but assertion in this sentence, but it carries conviction. Not a word is out of
place. Every word does duty. The idea is expressed concisely, forcibly. The simplicity of the sentence is more
effective than pages of prosaic argument.
Here is a sentence taken from a letter of a correspondence school:
“Assuming that you are in search of valuable information that may increase your earning capacity by a more
complete knowledge of any subject in which you may be interested, we desire to state most emphatically that your
wages increase with your intelligence.” This is not only ungrammatical, it is uninteresting. Contrast it with the
sentence taken from a letter from another correspondence school:
“You earn more as you learn more.” It is short, emphatic, thought producing. The idea is clearly etched into your
mind.
Short sentences are plain and forceful, but when used exclusively, they become tiresome and monotonous. A short
sentence is frequently most striking when preceding or following a long sentence—it gives variation of style.
Following a long sentence it comes as a quick, trip-hammer blow that is always effective. And there are times when
the proposition cannot be brought out clearly by short sentences. Then the long sentence comes to the rescue for
it permits of comparisons and climaxes that short sentences cannot give.
[Illustration: Unique enclosures catch the eye and insure a reading of the letter. Here are shown two facsimile
bonds—one, an investment bond and the other a guarantee bond; a sample of the diploma issued by a
correspondence school and a $15.00 certificate to apply on a course. The axe-blade booklet carries the message
of a wholesale hardware house, and the coupon, when filled out, calls for a free sample of toilet preparation.]
[Illustration: Neither printed descriptions nor pictures are as effective as actual samples of the product advertised.
Here are shown different methods of sending samples of dress goods, shirtings and cloth for other purposes. At the
right are some pieces of wood showing different varnishes and wall decorations, and at the bottom are veneers that
show different furniture finishes; the various colored pieces of leather are likewise used by furniture houses in
showing the styles of upholstering.]
It is the long, rambling sentences that topple a letter over onto the waste basket toboggan. But the sentence with a
climax, working up interest step by step, is indispensable. By eye test, by mechanical test, by erasure test and by
strength test, Orchard Hill Bond makes good its reputation as the best bond on the market for commercial use.
There is nothing tiresome about such a sentence. There is no difficulty in following the writer’s thought.
* * * * *
THE LETTER
THE VEHICLE
WORDS
SHORT
SAXON
SPECIFIC
INDIVIDUAL
PHRASES
VIVID
NATURAL
FIGURES
IDIOMS
SENTENCES
CLEAR
FORCEFUL
CLIMATIC
POLISHED
PARAGRAPHS
SHORT
UNIFORM
LOGICAL
ORDERLY
THE LOAD
IDEAS
GRAPHIC
TECHNICAL
CLEAR
COMPLETE
STATEMENTS
FACTS
PROOFS
REFERENCES
TESTIMONY
EXPLANATIONS
SPECIFIC
TECHNICAL
CLEAR
COMPLETE
ARGUMENTS
LOGICAL
CLIMATIC
CONCLUSIVE
CONVINCING
There are two elements in every letter: the thought and the language in which that thought is expressed. The
words, phrases, sentences and paragraphs are the vehicle which carries the load—explanations, arguments,
appeal. Neither can be neglected if the letter is to pull.
* * * * *
Here is another sentence showing the force to be attained through the use of a long sentence:
“Just as the physician may read medicine, just as the lawyer may read law, just so may a man now read business—
the science of the game which enables some men to succeed where hosts of others fail; it is no longer enveloped in
mystery and in darkness.” There is no danger of the reader’s becoming confused in the meaning and he is more
deeply impressed because his interest has been gained by the gradual unfolding of the idea back of the sentence,
the leading up to the important thought.
And after the choice of words, the placing of words and the construction of a sentence comes that other essential
element of style—the use of figures of speech, the illustrating of one’s thought by some apt allusion. Comparison
adds force by giving the reader a mental picture of the unknown, by suggestions of similarity to familiar things. The
language of the street, our conversational language, secures its color and expressiveness through figures of
speech—the clever simile and the apt metaphor light up a sentence and lift it out of the commonplace.
“Don’t hold yourself down,” “Don’t be bottled up,” “Don’t keep your nose on the grindstone”—these are the forceful
figures used in the letters of a correspondence school. The most ignorant boy knows that the writer did not mean to
be taken literally. Such figures are great factors in business letters because they make the meaning clear.
Here is the attention-getting first sentence of another letter:
“Don’t lull yourself to sleep with the talk that well enough should be let alone when practical salary-raising, profit-
boosting help is within your reach.” The sentence is made up of figures; you do not literally lull yourself to sleep with
talk, you don’t really boost profits, you don’t actually reach out and grasp the help the letter offers. The figures
merely suggest ideas, but they are vivid.
A sales manager writes to the boys on the road regarding a contest or a spurt for records: “Come on, boys. This is
the last turn round the track. The track was heavy at the start but if none of you break on the home stretch you are
bound to come under the wire with a good record.” The salesman will read this sort of a letter and be inspired by its
enthusiasm, when the letter would be given no more than a hurried glance if it said what it really means: “Get busy!
Keep on the job! Send in more orders.” By framing your ideas in artistic figures of speech you bring out their colors,
their lines, their fullest meanings—and more than that, you know your letters will be read.
But in the attempt to add grace and attractiveness by some familiar allusion, one must not overlook the importance
of facts—cold, plainly stated facts, which are often the shortest, most convincing argument. In the letter of an
advertising concern is this plain statement: “Last year our business was $2,435,893 ahead of the year before.” No
figure of speech, no touch of the stylist could make such a profound impression as this brief, concise statement of
fact.
The average correspondent will agree that these are all essential elements of style—his problem is practical: how
can he find the right words; how can he learn to put his proposition more clearly; how think up figures of speech that
will light up the thought or illustrate the proportion.
To some men an original style and the ability to write convincingly is a birthright. Others have to depend less on
inspiration and more on hard work. One man carries a note book in which he jots down, for future use, phrases,
words and comparisons that he comes across while reading his morning paper on the way down town, while going
through his correspondence, while listening to callers, while talking with friends at lunch, while attending some social
affair—wherever he is, his eyes and ears are always alert to catch a good phrase, an unusual expression or a new
figure of speech. At his first opportunity a notation is made in the ever-handy memorandum book.
Another man systematically reads articles by Elbert Hubbard, Alfred Henry Lewis, Samuel Blythe and other writers
whose trenchant pens replenish his storage with similes, metaphors and crisp expressions.
The head of a mail-order sales department of a large publishing house keeps a scrapbook in which he pastes
words, phrases, striking sentences and comparisons clipped from letters, advertisements, booklets, circulars, and
other printed matter. Each month he scans the advertisements in a dozen magazines and with a blue pencil checks
every expression that he thinks may some time be available or offer a suggestion. It is but a few minutes’ work for a
girl to clip and paste in these passages and his scrapbooks are an inexhaustible mine of ideas and suggestions.
Another man, after outlining his ideas, dictates a letter and then goes over it sentence by sentence and word by
word. With a dictionary and book of synonyms he tries to strengthen each word; he rearranges the words, writes
and rewrites the sentences, eliminating some, reinforcing others and devising new ones until he has developed his
idea with the precision of an artist at work on a drawing.
The average correspondent, handling a large number of letters daily, has little time to develop ideas for each letter
in this way, but by keeping before him a list of new words and phrases and figures of speech, they soon become a
part of his stock in trade. Then there are other letters to write—big selling letters that are to be sent out by the
thousands and letters that answer serious complaints, letters that call for diplomacy, tact, and above all, clearness
and force.
On these important letters the correspondent can well afford to spend time and thought and labor. A day or several
days may be devoted to one letter, but the thoughts that are turned over—the ideas that are considered, the
sentences that are written and discarded, the figures that are tried out—are not wasted, but are available for future
use; and by this process the writer’s style is strengthened. He acquires clearness, force, simplicity and
attractiveness—the elements that will insure the reading of his letters.
And one thing that every correspondent can do is to send to the scrap-heap all the shelf-worn words and hand-me-
down expressions such as, “We beg to acknowledge,” “We beg to state;” “Replying to your esteemed favor;” “the
same;” “the aforesaid;” “We take great pleasure in acknowledging,” and so on. They are old, wind-broken,
incapable of carrying a big message. And the participial phrases should be eliminated, such as: “Hoping to hear
from you;” “Trusting we will be favored;” “Awaiting your reply,” and so on, at the close of the letter. Say instead, “I
hope to hear from you;” or, “I trust we will receive your order;” or, “May we not hear from you?”
Interest the man quickly; put snap and sparkle in your letters. Give him clear and concise statements or use similes
and metaphors in your sentences—figures of speech that will turn a spot-light on your thoughts. Pick out your
words and put them into their places with the infinite care of a craftsman, but do not become artificial. Use every-
day, hard-working words and familiar illustrations that have the strength to carry your message without stumbling
before they reach their goal.
| BUSINESS CORRESPONDENCE. Pt 3. |
Resource Guide -
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'The Affiliate Power House'
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All the information and resources for YOUR SUCCESS are there.
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-------------------------------------------------------------
'Quality Home Products And Services'
The website that offers ONLY 'Quality-Driven' referrals to the 'discerning' public who are fed up with chasing
shadows through the normal 'Search Facilities'.
Also a place for other 'Quality-Driven-Businesses' to showcase themselves at a very affordable cost.
Just so that you can REMEMBER where to go when you leave this E-book, I have made the URL so easy to remember.
Think .....FRED67.com ... Just type that into your browser and you're THERE!
-------------------------------------------------------------
'The Affiliate Power House'
Ever wondered how 'The Silent Few' seem to make SO MUCH money just sitting at their laptop/PC?
Don't sit in the dark any longer. Head on over to 'The Affiliate Power House' NOW!
All the information and resources for YOUR SUCCESS are there.
Check it out NOW! http://affiliatepowerhouse.net See you over there then?? .... Pete.
-------------------------------------------------------------
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